i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
how drunk are you?
Several
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
