Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I am one with the molecules
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
