There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
