Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
