dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
