It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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