her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
