All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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