Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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