Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
