Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wish you could order shots online.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
