THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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