i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
