alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
