I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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