I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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