you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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