It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
