i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
