wanna go halves on a baby?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You pole danced in your parka.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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