when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
