You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
