Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
