we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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