I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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