And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
