remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
