you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
