You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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