Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
This is not my ceiling
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
