We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
