She is in my trunk
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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