When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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