You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think my fart just growled at me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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