She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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