i wish my penis had a tongue
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
