Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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