So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
