Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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