i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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