The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
