Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
