the condom got lost in my hair
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
