so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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