What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
