glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
