If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
