forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
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