And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
