I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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