Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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