I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Randomize
