Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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