everyone is single if you try hard enough
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
