Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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