If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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