I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
